Craft my arse

I have just spent a wasted couple of hours at a so called 'craft fair' in Stockton Brook. When I think of a craft I have certain criteria I need to 'tick off' on my imaginary tick list that I call my brain.

• Is it something that has taken years of training and dedication to be able to achieve?
• Are the products something unusual and rare?
• Do I think 'that is really clever?
• Can I buy similiar things at poundland?
• Is the price reasonable and fair in consideration of the time it has taken the 'craftsperson' to create them.

Stall 1 was a 'handmade' cards section. The term handmade was obviously given with the loosest possible definition possible considering how they were created by the master crafter.

1. Ready made and cut card purchased from QVC
2. 'Pop out' or 'cut out' pictures purchased from QVC
3. 'Rub on' or 'cut out' letters purchased from QVC
4. 'Cut out' or 'rub on' verses purchased from QVC
5. 'Ready made' envelopes purchased from QVC (or poundland)

The cards do have to be folded in half quite accurately, and sometimes things do need to be glued down.

Stall 2 was a collection of 'handmade' notebooks. The term 'handmade' was given in celebration of replacing a poundland notebook cover with a bit taken from an old game purchased from a car boot sale. It did indeed look quite smart and trendy having a notebook with a snakes and ladders board as the cover, but did this fine craft warrant the price tag of £12. I will have to consider the steps taken to arrive at the finished product.

1. Buy a notebook from poundland.
2. Buy an old game from the charity shop or a car boot sale.
3. Replace the cover with the bit of the game (you do have cut to size and make holes in the cardboard with a drill or hole puncher
4. Sell for £12

NO it does not warrant me taking £12 out of my pocket so I move on (remembering at all times)
'try my very best not make eye contact at these events' This eror quite often results in a 'feeling sorry for' purchase from anything that I can see from the 'under a pound' catagory. The crafter is a strange breed of person that has belief in not only there craft, but in your neccessity to oblige in their dreams of multi millionaire status that this skill will bring them. I'm not being funny when I say that in my mind a craft involves one or all of the following as a minimum requirement:

• A piece of machinery
• A tool of sort (chisels and  craft knives are good)
• A skill that took 'at least' an apprenticeship or lifetime to acquire
• You cant purchase from QVC or guess how they did it
• You may see it in a museum

I  eventually retire to the customary 'tea and home made biscuits section, and realise the two main truths.

• I hate CRAFT FAIRS!!! 
• I will return to one again to fill a sleepy Sunday afternoon.