Potter is Potty

Just been thinking about Harry Potter (don't know why, I must have had a flashback or something) but there is one thing that just gets right on my wick each and every time that I see or hear about the little be-speckled spaz of a wizard. If you were indeed magical and therefore could make anything fly, why would you choose a bastard broomstick? It just makes no sense at all and I can easily think of a lot of household things that would be far more suited to flying around town on.

• Chair
• Cushions
• Bicycles
• Scooter
• Skateboard

Like every boy in the eighties that saw Michael J Fox flying around on a skateboard in the all time classic movie that is 'Back to the future,' I'm sure that we have all shared in at least two glorious visions. Yes!!  you all know what I'm talking about I'm sure, 'hoverboards' and shagging Lea Thompson have been my fantasy that have kept me going through the constant heartache that was the real future.

I am no fool though and given the odds against a rendevouz with the Hollywood sex kitten (Lea not Michael) I have held on to the fantasy of whizzing around town on a floaty board as my number one priority.

Surely this alone is enough evidence of the stupidity of the movie (and books) and I urge all you free thinking, hot blooded, males (and females) out there, who like me, would have given the chance of mysterious powers would have  given it a bit more forethought on our selection of flying machines.

I would have certainly watched the movie past the quidditch part without shouting out loud and proud 'now that's just stupid, wheres the remote?'

Harry Potter, Harry Wanker more like!!

Real dog versus Robot dog

Just wondering which is better.

• A robot dog with a free will
• A real dog with a remote control

Discuss

Craft my arse

I have just spent a wasted couple of hours at a so called 'craft fair' in Stockton Brook. When I think of a craft I have certain criteria I need to 'tick off' on my imaginary tick list that I call my brain.

• Is it something that has taken years of training and dedication to be able to achieve?
• Are the products something unusual and rare?
• Do I think 'that is really clever?
• Can I buy similiar things at poundland?
• Is the price reasonable and fair in consideration of the time it has taken the 'craftsperson' to create them.

Stall 1 was a 'handmade' cards section. The term handmade was obviously given with the loosest possible definition possible considering how they were created by the master crafter.

1. Ready made and cut card purchased from QVC
2. 'Pop out' or 'cut out' pictures purchased from QVC
3. 'Rub on' or 'cut out' letters purchased from QVC
4. 'Cut out' or 'rub on' verses purchased from QVC
5. 'Ready made' envelopes purchased from QVC (or poundland)

The cards do have to be folded in half quite accurately, and sometimes things do need to be glued down.

Stall 2 was a collection of 'handmade' notebooks. The term 'handmade' was given in celebration of replacing a poundland notebook cover with a bit taken from an old game purchased from a car boot sale. It did indeed look quite smart and trendy having a notebook with a snakes and ladders board as the cover, but did this fine craft warrant the price tag of £12. I will have to consider the steps taken to arrive at the finished product.

1. Buy a notebook from poundland.
2. Buy an old game from the charity shop or a car boot sale.
3. Replace the cover with the bit of the game (you do have cut to size and make holes in the cardboard with a drill or hole puncher
4. Sell for £12

NO it does not warrant me taking £12 out of my pocket so I move on (remembering at all times)
'try my very best not make eye contact at these events' This eror quite often results in a 'feeling sorry for' purchase from anything that I can see from the 'under a pound' catagory. The crafter is a strange breed of person that has belief in not only there craft, but in your neccessity to oblige in their dreams of multi millionaire status that this skill will bring them. I'm not being funny when I say that in my mind a craft involves one or all of the following as a minimum requirement:

• A piece of machinery
• A tool of sort (chisels and  craft knives are good)
• A skill that took 'at least' an apprenticeship or lifetime to acquire
• You cant purchase from QVC or guess how they did it
• You may see it in a museum

I  eventually retire to the customary 'tea and home made biscuits section, and realise the two main truths.

• I hate CRAFT FAIRS!!! 
• I will return to one again to fill a sleepy Sunday afternoon.

Snow mobile

The recent cold spell has given me much food for thought. With all the problems surrounding ice and snow on the roads, surely it makes good sense to use the high volume of traffic to clear the snow quickly and effectively. A simple device blowing out warm air out of the back of the car to melt the ice is not beyond our wildest dreams I hope and I am sure the boffins could spend their time more wisely in our pursuit of happy motoring.

In the summer it could blow cold air out instead to cool the tarmac down. It could even be used to vacuum the motorways clean and tidy for the good of all road users.

This small blueprint may help them along and hopefully save millions in design costs.